I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
