I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
