she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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