Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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