im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
