he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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