I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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