OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
