it hurts more in the daytime
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
