Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
