he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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