just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
God I need to hump something, right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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