my shit smells like andre
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
