I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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