It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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