and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
