just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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