if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
