can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
