I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
