Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
