Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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