I hate your face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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