I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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