i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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