C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
