Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
