____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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