I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
