remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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