So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
