as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
