theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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