Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
