I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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