Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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