well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
