I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
