i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
