In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my shit smells like andre
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
