yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
