you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
