Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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