I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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