You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
