She is in my trunk
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
