so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
