there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
