so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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