if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
