why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
