i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
